I have a secret. I have contemplated this moment since installment #1 of Kateastrophe’s Summer of Love and Hate, and more as SOS continued, headed up by the marvelous Brillig! But the rest of my SOS’s are no good unless you know the truth, and for some reason, the fact that you will soon know that many of us bloggers are intertwined makes the SOS’s all the more interesting. You can’t make up some of the craaazy stories we have or the crazy things we’ve done. It was for this reason that I decided to reveal the true identity of MiniVan Diva.

I am Laine.

I welcome the stream of hate mail, but know that Kateastrophe and I have been through the best and the worst and fortunately, are at the best right now. Unfortunately, I can’t post a mugshot either because this blog is in fact, a secret identity for ANOTHER blog that my family reads and heaven only knows I don’t need to rehash all my deep dark secrets with them. So nasty emails aside, I had to begin with the very first Soap Opera of my dating life. Not only the first Soap Opera, but my first kiss, and the pre-cursor to the rest of the craziness that was my short but very crazy dating existence.

As I may have mentioned before, it took a while for me to grow into myself. I was at one point, lanky and skinny and awkward looking. I think the summer before my sophomore year in high school it all started to come together a bit. My mom had moved us 39 times since she got divorced and we were heading off to Oregon on another whim. After a few months there, and my head-spinning with depression or teenage angst, I asked my mom if I could move back and finish my sophomore year with my friends. We talked to Jewels and her parents and they agreed, since it was only for a few months.
One of my first days back we went over to Jewels’ boyfriend’s house. I’m sure she had told me about Matt (neither Kateastrophe’s Matt NOR Brillig’s Matt) while I was in Oregon, and I’m sure she had shown me pictures from when they first met (this was a little while later I recall), but upon entering his room, he was much cuter than the first pictures. We all hung out with Matt and his friend, whom Kateastrophe was “hanging out” with, a few times and my memory, thankfully, has spared me some of these early memories. I don’t even know HOW or WHEN I realized that he was kind of flirting with me, and I’m not sure I even know HOW to flirt because I distinctly remember asking one of my friends how to do it. As I was hashing out this story with Jewels, she reminded me of some random night hike we took with Matt up in the mountains and I think there was some significance to the story, but I have no idea what went on there. I think it was about this point that I started to like him, and he was thinking the same thing…despite having first dated my friend.

Being so new to all of this stuff, and flabbergasted that a boy liked me, it honestly didn’t occur to me that it was not a good thing to like him back considering I WAS LIVING with my best friend and he was dating HER. To this day, I don’t know how this moment came about, but Jewels and I drove over to his house and I sat out in the backyard while he chatted with her in his room and told her that he liked me, and not her anymore. His excuse? Jewels was too young for him…not realizing that I was a good six months younger than her. She had the most noble of replies…Sure, you guys have fun with that. Matt summoned me from the back yard after the news was broken, and we all kind of hugged and that was the start of my boyfriend-stealing. The next few months were a whirlwind of weird things. He would call Jewels’ house and ask for me without even saying hi to her. He took me to the Symphony for our first real date and two weeks before my 16th birthday when I was allowed to date. I got permission from my mom and Jewels’ parents and the awkwardness was palpable when he picked me up…after all, they knew he had been dating their daughter only weeks before. To top off my nervousness, it was my first date! I had no idea what to do. We sat during the entire symphony with our hands on our knees and our pinkies touching but never held hands. I invited him to a girl’s choice dance the next month at our high school (he had already graduated!!) and Jewels was in our group! That night when we dropped him off, on the doorstep, with a car full of people watching, he gave me my first kiss. The tiniest of kisses, the first of only two the whole time we dated, but a sweet kiss that left my legs shaking and my head pounding with questions about how on earth one was supposed to know how to kiss if one had never done it before. We went country dancing every Thursday night and I swooned as we danced. He took me to my one and only Prom and afterwards I doodled fake wedding invitations with our names on them during boring classes. Jewels was the one who had a car and more than once, shuttled me back and forth between her house and his. She was incredibly gracious during this period of time and I give her credit, as I give Kateastrophe credit, for us still being friends.

Jewels’ 17th birthday party was spent with me pouting because Matt had asked me to go splunking (cave exploring) with him and I recall being threatened with best friend outcasting and certain death if I missed Jewels’ party to be with my boyfriend. So I went and scowled the whole time. Shortly thereafter, things started to dwindle as things do. He was getting ready to leave on a mission for the LDS church, and I was getting attention from an incredibly attractive senior that had graduated a year earlier from our high school whom I had crushed on for quite some time. One night, we all ended up over at Brillig’s house. We all fell asleep at Brillig’s house…well most of us. I woke up to concerned looks from Kateastrophe and Jewels as they told me, with much concern for my feelings, that Brillig and Matt had actually had a swell evening making out in his car. Brillig, in Brillig fashion at that time said, “He was ready to cheat.” I remember not being really upset at this, and somewhat relieved actually that I could move on to Older Hot Senior Guy…or Thor as we called him. Yes Thor. Another SOS altogether…